This is what entertainment is all about ... idiots, explosives and falling anvils.

Last Saturday morning, I stupidly left the television on Channel 5 for a couple of hours. The combination of Dora the Explorer, Blues Clues and whatever other cloying garbage passes for children's entertainment these days made my brain scream for the sweet embrace of death.

Not to get all Grandpappy-ish, but in my day...

Violent cartoons, crypto-dope fiend puppets and slightly pervy playhouses were what we watched.

And by golly we liked it!

For example, let's look at the offerings on a Saturday morning in 1974. Here is what I would typically watch, instead of that edumacational crap the kids are force-fed today.
8:00--Yogi's Gang
8:30--Flipping between Scooby Doo, Where Are You and Bugs Bunny.
9:00--Hong Kong Phooey or Emergency plus Four. That's right ladies, a cartoon Randolph Mantooth.
9:30--This was a real toss-up. CBS had Partridge Family 2200 A.D., ABC had New Adventures of Gilligan, and NBC had Run, Joe, Run. Of the three, Run, Joe, Run was the best. And by the best, I mean didn't suck as much as the other two. The Gilligan cartoon wasn't horrible. Not like the Partridge Family living in a Jetsonian future with recycled Josie and the Pussycats plots.
10:00--This was a no-brainer. Land of the Lost.
10:30--Depending on the mood and which one was a rerun; Sigmund and the Sea Monsters vs. Shazam.
11:00--Is there any doubt? Superfriends, bitches.
11:30--Star Trek: The Animated Series. No, I don't want to go out and play. I'm watching TV, goddammit!
12:00--U.S. of Archie. Ahead of its time. Spoofed by South Park when Cartman goes back to witness the founding fathers debate war with England.
12:30--Hey, hey, hey! Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. My favorite episode was the one about prison rape.
1:00--"Hey Mom, what's for lunch?"

There you go. At least five hours of eating bowls of Chocolate-Coated Sugar Bombs and sitting three feet from the television every week didn't hurt me none. The kids today are going to wind up being precocious little turds from watching the dreck that passes for children's television these days.

Luckily, you can find the good shows on DVD. Adult Swim has started rerunning Pee-Wee's Playhouse. There is no good reason to make your kids watch the crap of today, when the crap of yesterday is so much better.

Oh, and this long-winded trip down memory lane is to mention in passing that:

Star Trek: The Animated Series is coming to DVD.