The Spoiler Warning

Like a kid who ransacks the house looking for Christmas presents in November, I love finding out spoilers about various movies and television programs that I'm interested in. Many of these shows, I just HAVE TO KNOW what's going to happen next. And like that kid on Christmas morning, I'm a little let down by the time the presents are unwrapped. It's a sickness. I need help. I need to stop.

Finding out the upcoming plot twists and such only undermines the storyteller's intent. Imagine during the children's portion an Easter service, when the preacher is telling the youngsters about the crucifixtion, some kid pipes up with "Yeah, but three days later he comes back!" I was that kid. Not only does it dull the impact of the story, it takes the wind out of the sails of the teller.

Having said that, whatever you do, don't go to AICN and look at the spoiler for the Sopranos. Don't highlight the invisotext to see what is in store for Vito. I did it and now I feel cheated. Whatever happens in the next episode or two, I'm going to be fixated on that one plot point to the expense of the rest of the story. I won't feel the emotional impact that the cast and crew worked hard to produce, just because I had to sneak a peek.

I need my memory selectively erased. I need to wash my eyeballs out with soap. Preferably Lava or Irish Spring. I need to go back in time and undo the eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. I'm afraid of being cast out of Paradise.

Oh, and by the way, the chick in the Crying Game is really a dude and Bruce Willis is a ghost.